


just a dream

by unitchiefprentiss



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Character Death, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-17 04:14:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29094069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unitchiefprentiss/pseuds/unitchiefprentiss
Summary: "it's like i'm looking from a distance, standing in the background."Tragedy strikes the Prentiss/Mendoza household when unexpectedly, Andrew is killed in a car accident. How will Hazel, Emily, and Keely get through it? Will be multiple chapters! Part of the "To Build a Home" universe.
Relationships: Andrew Mendoza/Emily Prentiss, Tara Lewis/Emily Prentiss
Comments: 11
Kudos: 26





	1. Chapter 1

**October 2026**

The sun sets over Washington DC, the remnants of the beautiful fall day shining into the living room of the home Emily and Andrew have made for themselves. 

Emily stirs the pot of soup she’s making, happy that it seems to be turning out the way she anticipated. She’s still not the greatest in the kitchen, but between herself and Andrew, she is definitely the stronger cook. 

She glances into the living room where five year old Hazel is busying herself drawing and watching the latest Disney movie. Emily smiles softly, thinking back to a time in the not so distant past where she never thought a life like this was in the cards for her. Not that she didn’t want it, because she did, but she had long ago resigned herself to a life of being by herself. 

She hums softly to herself as she tosses a dish rag over her shoulder and starts to slice some bread to toast. 

Emily glances at the clock, Andrew should be home any time now. She butters the bread and pops it into the oven. She hears the credits start to roll from the tv in the living room, so Emily goes to check on Hazel. 

“It’s almost time for dinner.” Emily says. Hazel nods and gets up to go wash her hands. 

She hasn’t heard from Andrew, which is a little odd. However, the case was a bad one. So bad, that he hardly disclosed any information about it to Emily. But, it was going to be his last. He’d decided to retire, his time in the field as an active agent was coming to an end. 

Emily was excited, they’d be able to spend more time together without both of them traveling so often. She was considering retirement herself, hoping to start teaching at the Academy now that Hazel was in school. Plus, now there would always be someone available to Hazel. 

She’d planned a surprise party at Rossi’s for that weekend, nothing super extravagant. All their friends were coming, and Keely was even going to come home from college for the weekend to attend. 

While Emily gets out plates and silverware, she checks her phone again. Andrew had messaged her a couple of hours ago that he’d landed back in DC, that he had a couple things to finish up at the office and he would be home. 

Hazel returns a moment later, and Emily decides they can go ahead and start without him. She’s getting a little nervous now, but shakes it off, trying to assure herself that there’s no reason to worry — she’s certain he’s just held up at the office. 

While they have dinner, Emily quizzes Hazel on her words that will be on her spelling test at the end of the week. She tries to keep herself as calm as she can, Hazel has always had a way of picking up on Emily’s emotions. 

Once they’re finished, Emily sends Hazel up to her room to play while she starts to clean up a little. She bites her lip anxiously as she picks up her phone and opens up her message thread with Andrew. 

Her fingers dance across the screen before she finally calls him. It rings and rings, and eventually his voicemail picks up. She hangs up, instinctively taking a thumbnail to her mouth, biting the nail. 

Just as she’s about to head upstairs to tell Hazel it’s bath time, there’s a knock at the door. 

Emily walks to the door, looking through the peephole before she opens it. There’s two officers there, and Emily’s heart drops. 

She opens the door, lets the officers in. One’s a tall, lanky man and the other a shorter woman, Emily’s not even wearing heels and she’s almost towering over the woman. 

They introduce themselves, but all Emily can hear is the blood rushing in her ears. 

“Agent Prentiss?” The woman says, noting that Emily has not said anything. 

“Yes...” Emily says softly. 

“We’re here about your husband.” The woman continues. Emily just nods. She knows why they’re here. She knows what they’re going to say. She’s had to make these kinds of house calls herself over the years. 

“There was an accident on the interstate, we’re not completely sure what happened, but it looks like maybe a tire blew, and the car swerved into him, causing a 5 car pile up. Your husband was DOA.” She says. 

Emily feels her blood run cold, her vision blurs, her knees turn to jelly. Somehow, she makes her way to the couch and sits down. She breathes deeply, not wanting to lose it in front of the officers. 

The woman officer sits down next to Emily, gently placing a hand on her back. “Is there anyone we can call for you?” 

Emily looks up, tears filling her eyes. She shakes her head. “No. Thank you.” She says flatly, almost robotically. She knows the next step is going to be identifying the body, so she tries to prep her brain for that. 

She sends the officers on their way, unsure of what to do next. She doesn’t want Hazel to see her break, so she takes a deep breath and calls Tara.

“Hey, Em.” Tara answers, cheerful as always. In any other situation, it would have made Emily smile. 

“Hey, Tara... I need a favor...” she says. 

“Of course. What’s going on?” Tara asks, detecting the emotion in Emily’s voice. 

“I... I need somebody to stay with Hazel. Um... there was an accident...” Emily says. 

Tara waits patiently for Emily to continue. 

“I have to...I have to identify his body, Tara.” Emily says, her voice barely above a whisper. 

“Oh...oh, shit, Emily. Yes, of course. I’ll be right over.” Tara promises. Emily thanks her, hangs up, and wipes the few stray tears that had slipped down her cheeks away. Not yet, she tells herself. Not yet. 

Upstairs, she finds Hazel playing in her room. It amazes her how quickly such a little girl can make such a gigantic mess in her bedroom. 

“Hi, baby.” Emily says, leaning against the doorframe. “Tara is coming over to stay with you for a little while, okay?” 

Hazel stops, puts the doll she had been playing with on the ground. She looks up at Emily, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. She sees so much of Andrew in her she has to catch her breath. 

“How come?” Hazel asks. 

“I have something I need to do, I’ll be back as soon as I can.” Emily says. She can’t tell her, not yet. 

“Can I go?” Hazel asks. 

“No.” Emily says firmly. 

“Isn’t Daddy coming home?” Hazel asks. 

Emily closes her eyes, pinches the bridge of her nose. She has no idea what to say. She can’t lie to her, but she can’t tell her the truth and then leave her. She just can’t. 

“I know you have a lot of questions right now, but I can’t give you answers. So I need for you to trust me, and be good for Tara, okay?” Emily says. 

Hazel sighs, but senses the seriousness in Emily’s voice. “Okay, Mommy.” 

“Thank you, now come here.” Emily says, extending her arms and wiggling her fingers. 

Hazel smiles and gets up, practically leaping into Emily’s arms. 

“Can I stay up til you get home?” Hazel asks, her arms still tightly wrapped around Emily’s neck. Emily gently sways back and forth, rubbing Hazel’s back. 

It’s a school night, but of course, Hazel will not be going. 

“You can stay up.” Emily agrees, knowing the little girl will most likely fall asleep before she gets back. 

“Yay!” Hazel cheers. 

Emily puts her down on the ground, ignoring the slight, persistent pain in her lower back. Hazel is tiny still, but getting bigger every day. Emily’s not sure how much longer she’ll be able to carry her around. 

Tara knocks on the door moments later. She’s brought some board games, snacks, and movies along to help keep Hazel occupied. Emily tells them goodbye, and hurries out the door before Hazel can get upset. 

She gets into the car, her hands shaking nearly uncontrollably. Before she starts the engine, she pulls out her phone again. She unlocks it, her message thread with Andrew still open. 

How could it be that just a few hours ago, everything was fine? He was alive. He was coming home. She just couldn’t wrap her brain around what was happening. 

She drives to the hospital, with only the hum of the engine keeping her company. She feels lost, angry, confused, devastated all at once. The emotions swirl around, all fighting to be felt at once. She feels lightheaded, and almost has to pull over before she gets to the hospital. 

Emily takes several deep, long breaths at the last light, seeing the hospital in the distance. She bites her lip so hard she tastes blood as the light turns green and she presses the gas. 

Somehow, she finds her way into the building and where she’s supposed to go. An officer walks her to the hospital morgue, asks if she’s waiting for anyone. She shakes her head. She knows she could have called on anyone, and they would have been there with her. It just felt like something she had to do alone, so here she was. 

She walks down a long, fluorescent hallway into a cold room. She shivers slightly and wraps her arms around herself. The officer escorting her nods sympathetically. It’s time... 

The curtain lifts, and there lies Andrew. He’s covered in a sheet, just his head and one hand exposed. 

Her eyes instantly fill with tears. There he is, the man she always planned to grow old with. The man who came seemingly out of nowhere and built a life with her she’d always, always wanted. He gave her two beautiful girls. She had envisioned herself growing old with him, watching Hazel grow with him, and now he would never see the person she would become. He wouldn't get to see Keely grow even more into the amazing young woman she had become...

Emily walks closer, taking Andrew’s hand in hers. She holds it tightly, gently rubbing her thumb across the back of his hand. She wishes this was all a mistake, that this wasn't him, that there had been some kind of mix up... but no, this was him. Without a doubt, this was her husband. 

He looks almost like himself...almost like he might wake up at any second. He won’t, she knows this. She knows the stages of grief like the back of her hand, she’s helped countless people handle grief over the years. But no amount of experience could ever have prepared her for what she was feeling right now. 

“Take your time, Mrs. Mendoza.” The officer says. “I’ll just be outside.” He nods. She doesn't even have the energy to acknowledge him, much less correct him on her last name. She'd never taken it, though now she wishes she had. 

She has no idea how long she stands there, holding Andrew’s hand in that cold room. She feels like she should say something, anything, just in case he can hear her. But the words just won’t come. She finally wipes her tears and turns to leave. She needs to get home, needs to see her little girl. Overwhelmed with emotion, a wave of nausea over takes her and she bolts from the room down the hall to the bathroom where she vomits. 

Once she’s done, she splashes cool water on her face, rinses her mouth, and turns on her heel to leave. As quickly as she can, she gets into her car and drives away. She just drives aimlessly for a long time, her mind racing. The drive calms her a little, helps her to think. Her brain turns on auto pilot, she’s not even sure how she gets home. Eventually, though, she pulls into the driveway at the end of their street. 

When Emily gets inside the house she finds that Hazel is fast asleep on the couch. Tara is awake still, quietly folding a load of laundry Emily had left in the basket while Lilo and Stitch plays in the background. 

The two women exchange a look, and Emily motions for them to go upstairs. 

She can’t go in their bedroom, so instead Emily leads Tara into Hazel’s room. 

It’s only then that she finally breaks. She collapses into Tara’s arms. Tara gently guides her over to Hazel’s bed, where they sit together. Emily cries as quietly as she can into Tara’s shoulder. 

Tara holds her friend close, rubs her back softly and lets her cry for as long as she needs to. She and Emily had become fast friends, and their friendship had only strengthened once Hazel had deemed Tara one of her favorite aunts. Tara had always been so good with her. 

Eventually, Emily sits up, she wipes her tears and sniffles. 

“I’m so sorry, Em.” Tara says softly. 

“This doesn’t feel real.” Emily says. 

“I know. I’m so sorry. He loved you so much. His eyes lit up any time he talked about you. And my god, did he love that little girl.” Tara tells her, offering a small smile. 

Emily nods again, squeezing her eyes shut to ward off another round of tears. 

“It’s okay to cry, Em. Get it out.” Tara says. 

Emily shakes her head. “The first thing she’s going to ask me in the morning is where’s daddy.” She says. 

“I can stay here as long as you need, if you need moral support.” Tara says. 

The brunette sniffles, wipes at her eyes. “I just don’t know how to tell her... she’s just a baby.” 

Tara offers a comforting touch to Emil’s shoulder, squeezing it gently. “I know. She’s going to be devastated…but she’s also _your_ daughter. She’s tough, and she’ll come out of this alright.” 

Emily shrugs. “I just… I have no idea how _I’m_ going to do this… so how can I help her?” 

“Well, just know you aren’t alone in this. You’ve both got a whole bunch of people that are gonna make sure you’re good. So you don’t need to worry about that. I know you’re overwhelmed right now, so let’s just take it one step at a time.” Tara says. “She’s going to have a lot of questions. And I think your first instinct is going to be to sugarcoat things, protect her, but I think she will respond better to straight forward facts.” Tara tells her. 

There’s a few moments of quiet, as Emily takes in Tara’s advice. 

“I’m so glad you’re here.” Emily says, out of the blue. “I called you because not only does Hazel adore you, but I just knew you’d have the best advice on how to help me with her.” 

Tara smiles softly. “You know I’ll always come running for my little Hazelnut.” 

“I appreciate it…I appreciate you.” Emily says, bringing Tara in for a hug. When they pull apart, Emily takes a deep breath. 

“You don’t have to stay, you can go home.” Emily says, but Tara can see right through her. 

“No way, I’m not going anywhere.” Tara tells her. 

“I probably won’t sleep.” Emily says. 

“Well, let’s put some coffee on.” Tara replies. 

While Tara makes coffee, Emily gets Hazel to bed, praying the little girl doesn’t wake up. Miraculously, she stays asleep as Emily carries her up the stairs and tucks her safely into bed. She leans down and kisses the little girl’s forehead, wishing more than anything she didn’t have to destroy her world once she wakes up. 

Emily heads back downstairs, where she and Tara spend the night. Tara eventually falls asleep on the couch, but Emily can’t bring herself to even lay down. She sits, lost in her own thoughts until she sees the sun beginning to rise. She stretches, feeling an ache in her spine from the way she had been sitting. 

Tara stirs, and wakes up. 

“Hey, sorry. Guess that coffee didn’t help much.” 

“That’s okay, just you being here was enough.” Emily says. She glances at the clock and bites her lip. “She’ll be up any minute.” 

“I’ll start breakfast, give you guys some time.” Tara says, moving to stand. 

“No, no. You’ve done enough. Really. You can go home.” Emily says. 

“I don’t mind…” Tara offers. 

“I think…I think maybe it needs to just be us.” Emily says. 

“Of course! I’ll check on you later?” Tara asks. 

Emily nods. “You know…you’re the only one who knows.” 

“I won’t say anything.” Tara says, furrowing her brow. 

“I know. It’s just…this isn’t the first time I am going to have to have this conversation. I’ll have to tell Keely. His parents, the team…” 

“Hey, remember what I said. One step at a time. Today, just focus on your girls.” Tara says. 

Emily nods. Just as Tara stands to leave, they hear a tiny little voice from the bottom of the stairs. 

“Why is Auntie Tara still here?”


	2. Chapter 2

Seeing that Emily needs a little help, Tara says: “hey, pumpkin! I was just leaving.” 

Hazel makes her way down the stairs, still a little groggy from sleep. Tara nods to Emily, and grabs her keys and leaves the two alone. She knows they’ll need to be alone, they need each other and she doesn’t want to be in the way. 

Hazel wanders over to her mother and hops on the couch next to her, leaning her head against Emily. 

Emily waits quietly, not wanting to bombard her with the news immediately. She runs her fingers through Hazel’s curly hair. She thinks maybe the little girl has gone back to sleep, until she speaks up. 

“Is Daddy back?” She asks. 

The question nearly takes the breath out of Emily. She takes a deep breath. 

“That’s something I wanna talk to you about, baby.” Emily says. She turns her body so that she’s facing Hazel. The girl looks up at her, confused. 

“I know Daddy was supposed to come home yesterday, but on the way home, there was a car accident. And in that accident, Daddy died.” Emily says. She waits, allowing Hazel to process what she said. 

“So when’s he coming home?” She asks. 

Emily blinks. She realizes, this is Hazel’s first real encounter with death. She takes Hazel’s tiny hand and places it on her own chest. 

“You feel that? My heart beating?” Emily asks. 

Hazel nods. 

“When somebody dies, their heart stops beating. That means that they can’t come home.” Emily says. Hazel says nothing. 

Emily is there, ready to comfort Hazel. She reaches out to hold her baby, but Hazel flinches away, uncharacteristically. 

“You said he was coming home!” 

“I know I did, I’m so sorry baby.” Emily says, trying again to reach out and comfort her daughter. 

“I don’t want you!” Hazel yells, bursting into tears, curling up into a ball at the end of the couch as far away from Emily as she can get. 

Emily feels her heart break, all she wants to do is comfort her baby and she wants nothing to do with her. Emily has hardly had time to process this herself, hasn’t truly started to grieve. Logically, she knows that this reaction from Hazel is normal, expected, even. But Emily is not thinking very logically. 

“Honey, I want to help you.” Emily tries again. 

“Go away.” Hazel says. “I want Aunt Tara!” 

“Sweetie, she just left... why don’t we try and talk this out?” Emily tries. Hazel has always been great at communicating, but she is only five, and this is by far the most traumatic thing that’s happened to her. 

“No. I don’t like you right now.” Hazel says seriously. Emily bites her lip to keep herself from crying. 

“Okay. I’ll call Tara.” Emily says, pulling out her phone with a shaky hand. 

Hey. I know you just left. But Hazel wants you, she’s mad at me. Wanna have a sleepover with her?

Absolutely. Tara responds almost instantly. I’ll come get her. Sit tight. 

Emily busies herself by packing an overnight bag for Hazel. She packs everything she’ll need, including her favorite stuffed elephant. Then, she goes back downstairs where Hazel is still curled up on the couch, facing away from her mother. 

“Tara’s on her way. I packed a bag for you.” Emily says, getting no response. 

She moves closer to the couch, sits down on the end. 

“I can make you some breakfast before you go.” Emily says. No response. She sighs. 

“At least change out of your pjs.” Emily says. 

Hazel rolls off the couch and stomps up the stairs. 

Emily is at a loss. She’s never not been the one that could comfort Hazel. She knows that Hazel is having trouble processing these big emotions, all foreign to her. Of course she would lash out at Emily, but it doesn’t make this any easier. 

Hazel returns a few minutes later, dressed and ready to go. Emily had put her hair in a protective braid a couple of nights prior, and it was holding up well so Emily didn’t even bother asking if she wanted her hair to be redone. 

Moments later, there’s a knock at the door. Emily ushers Tara inside. 

“Hello, sunshine.” Tara greets the little girl. 

Hazel runs up to her very favorite aunt and Tara picks her up to hug her. Hazel hides her face in the crook of Tara’s neck. 

“She hasn’t had breakfast yet.” Emily informs her. “I can give you money...” 

“Oh, please.” Tara waves her off. “We’ll get you something, huh, my girl?” She says, gently rubbing Hazel’s back. 

“Be good, okay?” Emily says. “I love you.” 

Hazel doesn’t even react to Emily’s voice. 

“We’ll talk later.” Tara promises, taking Hazel’s overnight bag and heading out the door with the little girl in tow. 

Emily sighs, flopping down on the couch. She lets herself be upset, but only for a moment. She has lots to do still. 

Keely comes in in just a few days, but Emily knows she has to tell her today. It wouldn’t feel right otherwise. 

She pulls out her phone and calls her oldest daughter. 

“Hey, Em.” Keely answers cheerfully. It breaks Emily’s heart knowing she has to deliver this news. 

“Hi, honey. Are you busy right now?” She asks. She can never keep track of the girls schedule. She works and goes to school, and Emily has no idea when she even finds time to sleep. 

“No, just studying before I go to my first class. Why?” Keely asks. Emily catches the hint of worry in her voice. 

“I have to tell you something, and I hate having to do this over the phone...” Emily starts. 

“Just tell me.” Keely says. 

Emily sighs. “It’s your dad, honey. He was headed back home from a case and there was an accident...” 

There’s silence for a few moments. Emily waits with baited breath. 

“I’m coming home now.” Keely says. 

“You don’t need to, nothing will happen til you come in this weekend.” Emily tells her. 

“If you think I’m going to be able to focus on anything else right now, you don’t know me at all. I’m catching the first flight up.” Keely says. “I’ll text you my flight info.” 

“Okay. Be safe, babe. I love you.” Emily says sincerely, knowing there’s no way she can argue with the girl. 

“I love you, too. See you soon.” Keely says, hanging up the phone. 

Emily sighs. She thinks that’s all she has in her for today, but his parents need to know. If it were either of her girls, she’d be so angry if anyone kept her in the dark. 

She picks up her phone again and calls them, and it’s harder than she ever expects. She loves Andrew’s parents. Hattie and Daniel Mendoza were two of the sweetest people Emily had ever known. They had Andrew young, and seemed to have more energy than Emily most days. 

Telling them about Andrew, hearing the guttural cry from Hattie is something that Emily will never be able to shake from her memory. The pure, absolute devastation. Her baby. Emily stays on the phone with them for as long as they need, and before she hangs up the two have plans to fly in. 

The final call that Emily needs to make is to Samantha, Keely’s mom. She isn’t sure if Keely has already told her, but she feels that she needs to be the one to tell her. 

Keely had beaten Emily to it, so the conversation was short, but hard nonetheless. Mostly because Samantha makes no effort to come to Keely. She’s never really been sure how to connect with Keely, how to help her or be there for her, so their relationship has suffered because of it. When she hangs up, she feels absolutely drained. 

She looks down, realizing she’s still in the same clothes as the day before. She should change, shower, make herself eat something. But she doesn’t. She doesn’t think she can go into their bedroom. Not now, she’s not ready. 

She glances to the pile of half folded laundry still sitting on the coffee table. There’s a pair of leggings and a sweater Emily throws on. 

She manages to work her way upstairs and to the bathroom, where she washes her face, redoes her messy ponytail, and brushes her teeth. She feels a little bit better, but the silence of the house is getting to her. 

Emily does what she always does when she’s stressed: she cleans. She spends the morning cleaning, until she needs to leave to pick Keely up from the airport. 

She waits in the greeting area, scanning the crowd of people coming in from Keely’s flight. She spots her, wheeling a small suitcase and hurrying down the walkway. 

Emily outstretches her arms, and Keely comes barreling into them, crying. Emily squeezes the girl tight, resting her head atop Keely’s. The girl hadn’t grown very much since Emily met her at 14. Now 21, she fits perfectly under Emily’s chin. 

The two hug in the airport for a long time. Emily sways back and forth, willing herself to stay strong for Keely, who needs her comfort right now. 

“Let’s go home, sweetie.” Emily says softly. Keely nods into Emily’s shoulder. They walk out together silently, neither of them speaking until they get back home. 

Keely hesitates walking inside the house. 

“I know. It’s weird for me too.” Emily says. 

They finally walk inside, and Keely breaks again.

Emily guides her over to the couch and sits down, motioning for Keely to do the same. She lies down on the couch, her head in Emily’s lap. It’s only in the comfort of her own home that Emily finally allows herself to cry with her daughter. 

They don’t talk, there’s nothing either of them can say. This is uncharted territory for them both. 

Eventually, they both fall asleep. They wake up around dinner time. Emily orders dinner, knowing neither of them have eaten today. She orders from their favorite Thai restaurant, hoping the smell will spark their appetites. 

“Where’s Hazel?” Keely asks finally. 

“She’s with Tara. She’s mad at me right now because I said that ... that he was coming home and now he’s not.” Emily explains. 

Keely nods. “God, she’s so little.”

“I know.” Emily says simply. 

The food arrives, and they graze at the food. Emily ordered plenty, but even their favorite meal couldn’t bring either of them to eat more than a few bites. 

They sit together on the couch after. Keely looks absolutely heart broken, and all Emily can do is put her arm around the girl and gently rub her shoulder. She always has the right words, she has always been able to soothe Keely’s anxieties. Now, though, there’s nothing she can say. She has no idea how to help her girls, no idea how they’re going to get through it. 

Eventually, Emily turns on 90 Day Fiancé. It’s a mindless show they love to watch together, though neither of them pay much attention. They’re both asleep on the couch by 9pm. 

-.-.-.-

Tara spent the day with Hazel, trying to gauge where the girl was emotionally. She hadn’t said a word about her dad. So, Tara spent the day keeping her occupied. They went to breakfast, to the park, watched a movie, all kinds of fun things. Tara expected Hazel to want to go home at some point, but now it’s nearing midnight and the little girl is fast asleep in Tara’s bed. 

They have sleepovers often, and usually they camp out in Tara’s room, where they watch Disney movies and eat junk food. This particular night, Tara even went a step further and did face masks, as well as paint Hazel’s nails. 

She knows that soon enough, the realization of her fathers death is going to hit her. She knows that children process grief a little differently than adults. She wants to give Hazel time to process. It’s the little girl’s first real experience with death, and Tara wants to make sure Hazel has everything she needs to cope. 

Tara glances down at a sleeping Hazel and smiles softly. She’s tucked under the covers, pulled snugly around her shoulders. Tara has always had a soft spot for Hazel, ever since the first time she met her as a baby. It didn’t take long for Hazel to decide that even though she loves all her aunts an uncles, Tara is her favorite. 

Tara kisses the girl’s forehead and drifts off to sleep herself. She sleeps peacefully until she feels a shake of her shoulders, and hears Hazel whispering her name over and over. 

She cracks an eye open, seeing Hazel sitting on her knees in front of her. 

“Hey, sweet pea, what’s the matter?” Tara asks, sitting up and leaning back against the head board. 

“I want my Mommy.” Hazel says, her voice breaking, chin quivering the way it does right before she starts to cry. 

“Okay, angel, let’s call her, huh?” Tara says, reaching over and grabbing her phone from the nightstand next to the bed. 

She pulls up Emily’s contact and calls her. “Do you want to talk to her?” Tara asks as it rings. 

Hazel nods eagerly, so Tara hands her the phone. 

“Tara?” Emily answers groggily. “What’s wrong?” 

At the sound of Emily’s voice, Hazel starts to cry. 

“I wanna go home.” She says simply. 

“I’m on my way, okay baby? I’ll be there soon.” Emily promises as the call ends. 

Hazel leans in to Tara, crying for her mother. Tara can only hold her and comfort her the best she can. 

-.-.-.-

Emily is up off the couch, where she and Keely have fallen asleep, in an instant. Hearing Hazel’s plea to come home nearly broke Emily’s heart. 

She grabs her bag and keys she tossed by the door, slips on a pair of shoes, and heads out the door. She texts Keely, letting her know what’s going on in case the girl wakes up. 

She drives to Tara’s, the late night leaving the roads mostly clear except for her. It’s not a long drive at all, but it feels never ending tonight knowing her daughter needs her and she’s not there. 

She pulls into Tara’s apartment complex, parks her car in the guest lot and heads up to Tara’s apartment. She knocks on the door and hears Tara unlatch the locks. 

She is met with Tara opening the door, and she hears Hazel crying and her heart breaks. 

Hazel is sitting on Tara’s couch, a soft blanket wrapped around her shoulders. In an instant, Emily is there next to her and she reaches for her daughter, who falls into her arms crying in a way Emily has never heard before. Hazel clings to Emily. 

Emily sits down on the couch, Hazel in her lap. She just slowly rocks back and forth, rubbing Hazel’s back. 

“It’s okay, you’re okay.” She says over and over. Eventually, Hazel’s cries get softer, smaller, quieter until they become hiccups. 

“Let’s go home, hmm? Keely’s there.” Emily says, hoping to lift the girl’s spirits. 

Hazel just nods. 

Emily picks the girl up and carries her to the door. 

“Thank you so much for taking her.” Emily says. 

Tara smiles. “Any time.” She nods. “I mean that. Anything any of you need, please don’t hesitate to ask. I’m just a phone call away.” 

“Thank you, really.” Emily says sincerely. 

She walks Hazel down to the car and straps her in to her booster seat. 

By the time she pulls into the driveway, Hazel is asleep. She smiles softly and carries her daughter inside. She considers tucking her into bed, but instead places her on the couch. Keely is curled up at the end of the sectional, and she sets Hazel up on the other end. Emily doesn’t think she will sleep much, so she grabs her Kindle and sits down in the recliner on the other side of the room. 

She drifts off and sleeps fitfully, watching over her girls, worrying about how she can guide them through this and still find a way to cope herself.


	3. Chapter 3

Emily wakes to a weight on her lap, she opens her eyes to find Hazel sitting there, sleepily rubbing her eyes. 

“Hey, sweetie.” Emily says with a yawn, stretching as best she can from where she sits in the recliner. She grimaces slightly at the pain she feels in her lower back, she definitely needs to find a better sleeping arrangement tonight, for her spine’s sake. 

Hazel is uncharacteristically quiet, usually she is full of energy from the moment she wakes up to the time Emily has to practically bribe Hazel to go to bed. She just sits with her for a moment, letting her take the comfort she needs. 

“Are you hungry?” Emily asks. 

Hazel shakes her head. 

“Yeah, me either. But we gotta eat something. Hop up,” Emily says, gently pushing the girl off of her lap. They head into the kitchen, where Emily searches through the fridge while Hazel sits up at the kitchen counter. Andrew was always the better breakfast maker, she thinks sadly. He could make a mean omelet, he never burned pancakes, and his French toast was always perfect. It was about the only thing in the kitchen he didn’t burn. 

She rummages for a few minutes longer, and finds some strawberry yogurt. She opens a container and gives it to Hazel, along with a banana and a cup of water. Emily eats as well, knowing if she doesn’t there is no way Hazel will either. Emily hates seeing Hazel so sad when there’s absolutely nothing she can do to help her. She has to let Hazel feel it, let her grieve. Keely, too. 

She dreads the coming days. Fortunately, she and Andrew have always had their affairs in order, so it’s not going to take much effort in that respect. She’s sure everyone throughout the bureau has already heard, she hasn’t bothered to check her phone lately.

Keely wakes shortly after, stumbling into the kitchen and making a cup of coffee. She sits next to her sister, and barely even touches the coffee. Emily puts a movie on the in the living room for the girls, who move to the couch and sit quietly together. It breaks Emily’s heart to look over and see the two of them cuddled close together, staring at the screen but neither of them actually watching the movie. 

Emily spends the next couple of hours sitting at the kitchen counter, replying to texts from friends and family and trying to plan out the next several days. They’re going to be long and exhausting and Emily wishes she could skip right over them. She doesn’t want to see anyone, but Andrew’s parents are flying in the next morning. Emily set them up at a nice hotel, feeling guilty for not wanting them to stay at the house. She knows any second, the team is going to start coming by. Either individually or in small groups. Andrew’s friends and co workers will no doubt reach out. 

She’s already exhausted, thinking of how many times she’s going to have to hear “I’m sorry,” and “If there’s anything I can do, please let me know.” Of course, she knows it will all be genuine, but she doesn’t want to hear it, she wants to focus on her children; who will need her now more than ever. The only thing she cares about is helping them heal. 

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

The next few days are a blur, a blur that blends together and leaves Emily struggling to tell the days apart. The funeral was set for Friday, Andrew died on Monday. She hadn’t seen him for a week before that day. 

Emily is aware of Andrew’s parent’s presence through out each day; hovering over them, only going back to their hotel room across town to sleep. They cook all the meals for their 5 day stay, despite the constant stream of people coming in with food nearly every day. Although Emily had wanted nothing more than to be alone with Keely and Hazel, she was, in the end, rather grateful for Andrew’s parents. They would answer the door and accept the food, flowers, cards, and other gifts and send them out on their way. Unless, of course, it was someone Emily was close to. 

Penelope and Luke were the first people to come by from the team. They brought comforting but filling snacks, things that required little to no effort to grab. Penelope, always the brightest light in the dark, had brought each of them a new pair of soft, comfy pajamas. She hugs Emily for an extended amount of time, knowing that Emily needs it. She squeezes her former boss extra tight, then turns her attention to Keely and Hazel, who have been busying themselves playing a board game on the couch. 

While Penelope entertains them, Emily and Luke go into the kitchen. He helps her put away the snacks, and then turns to make up a cup of coffee. 

“Are you sleeping?” Luke asks softly. 

Emily sighs. “Um…occasionally.” She admits. 

He digs through the bag of goodies he and his wife had brought over, pulling out a box of tea. 

“This is decaffeinated. We knew you probably weren’t sleeping much.” He offers. 

Emily smiles softly, takes the box from him. “You’re right.” She says simply. “Want a cup?” 

“Sure,” Luke agrees. 

She makes four mugs of tea, for herself, Luke, Penelope, and Keely. She pours some juice for Hazel and they move into the living room to be together. It’s not a typical Penelope visit, she’s more subdued than normal, just offering her presence as comfort. 

They don’t stay long, once the tea is gone they leave, hugging each of them tightly and letting them know they can call at any time, day or night. 

Shortly after, Reid stops by. Along with him, he brings Derek. Emily is so surprised to see him, she starts to cry. She practically falls into his arms. He hugs her tightly, protectively, making her feel safe as he always has. 

Hazel is thrilled, her two favorite uncles coming to visit her at the same time? She can hardly believe it! Emily is grateful, they entertain Hazel for quite some time, allowing Emily to take a nap. 

She gets a text from Matt and one from Rossi while she’s asleep. They both say they don’t want to overwhelm them with visitors, so they offer their condolences. When she wakes, she responds and thanks them. 

Of course, Emily loves the team. They are her family, but she’s so tired. She doesn’t want to see anyone. She wants to be alone. 

Tara drops in a couple of times during those few days, she takes Hazel and Keely out for lunch and then takes Hazel to the park to get some energy out, leaving Emily and Keely at home prepping for the funeral on that Friday. 

The last round of visitors comes around dinner time on Thursday. JJ, Will, and the boys drop by for a moment. 

“I know you’re probably overrun with food,” Will drawls. “So we got you guys some gift cards, you can use ‘em whenever for delivery.” 

“And the boys made you cards.” JJ says, handing two hand drawn cards over. 

Emily smiles, she’s gotten many of these cards over the years from Henry and Michael. She immediately places them on the fridge. She’s seen Henry’s penmanship and artistic abilities improve, and she can hardly believe he’s a teenager now, and soon enough Michael will be too. 

The kids hang out for a little while, play a few rounds of Mario Kart while JJ and Will help Emily clean up in the kitchen. 

“You really don’t have to help.” Emily says. 

“Hey, we want to.” JJ says sincerely. 

Once they leave, Andrew’s parents catch Emily up on laundry and head back to their hotel. 

Emily gets Hazel ready for bed, and tries to get the girl to sleep in her own room. Ever since Monday night, she hasn’t been successful. 

“Can I sleep with you again? Please?” Hazel asks, her little chin quivering, her eyes wide. Emily has never been able to say no to that sweet little face she makes. 

Emily picks the girl up. “Of course, baby.” Emily gives in. She takes Hazel into the bedroom she once shared with Andrew. Coming to this room was getting a little easier each time, but it still made Emily’s stomach drop. 

The first time, that first full day after, she’d had to close and lock the door. She slid down the wall, bringing her knees up to her chest and allowing herself to cry She felt like she couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move. All she could think about was how he had just been there, they had just slept together in that bed not two nights prior and now he was dead. How could he be dead? How would she ever stand to be in this room again? 

Suddenly, she stopped crying. She took a deep breath and stood up. She stripped the bed of the comforter, the sheets, pillowcases, all of it. She folded them neatly, tucked them away in the closet. She had Keely watch Hazel, and she went to the closest home goods store. She bought a new set of sheets, a new comforter, everything. 

She came back to the house and washes the new bedding and put it on. It made her feel a little better, being in the room was bearable, at least. She felt like she could sleep in there, or at least attempt. 

Now that Hazel’s tucked into bed, she kisses the girl’s forehead and turns the tv on. She puts on a movie for Hazel and tells her she will be right back. Emily gets herself ready for bed, and though it’s early, she lays down next to Hazel anyway. 

Hazel stares at the tv, not really paying attention to the movie. She starts to twist her fingers, a nervous tic she’s picked up from her mother. Emily reaches over and holds Hazel’s little hands in hers. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Emily asks. 

Hazel sighs and rolls over to face her mother. She doesn’t say anything for a moment, instead she reaches out to play with the ends of Emily’s hair. 

“Is tomorrow when we say bye to Daddy?”

“Yes, the funeral’s tomorrow.” Emily confirms. 

“And everyone’s going to be there?” Hazel questions. 

“Mhm.” Emily says. “All your aunts and uncles, grandma and grandpa, me and Keely. And Keely’s mommy, too.” 

Hazel nods. 

“Do I have to go?” The little girl asks solemnly. 

“No.” Emily says. “You don’t.” She knows that forcing her to attend her father’s funeral could cause her more harm than good in the long run, so she had explained over the last several days the events that would occur, what a funeral was, and that Hazel was in no way required to go. 

“But if I want to, I can?” Hazel wonders. 

“Yes. And if you want to leave at any time, you tell me and Aunt Tara will take you home.” Emily says. 

Hazel nods. “Okay.” She says, seeming satisfied with that answer. 

Emily finds herself absentmindedly tracing along Hazel’s brow line, something she had done since Hazel was a baby. When she was fussy, or nothing else seemed to work, she would trace her index finger along her brow gently and it always seemed to calm her down. 

Before the movie is halfway over, Hazel is asleep, curled up next to Emily. Emily sleeps fitfully, but manages to get at least a couple of hours in before the alarm goes off. 

It’s the morning she’s been dreading all week: the morning that they’ll bury her husband. The father of her children, the man who unexpectedly swept her off her feet and built the life Emily had dreamt of. 

Hazel wakes when she does, and remains clingy for the majority of the morning. 

It’s not until the very last minute she tells Emily she wants to go. She had Tara on stand by, ready to stay with Hazel in case she wanted to stay home. 

“Are you sure?” Emily asks. 

Hazel nods. “Yes. I want to.” She says, determined. 

Emily nods. “Okay, let’s get you dressed.” 

-_-_-_-_-_-

Emily, Keely, and Hazel find themselves on the front pew of the church, listening as the prayers are said. Emily opted not to be the one to give the eulogy, it felt more appropriate for his mother to do it. So she did, and it was lovely and left everyone teary eyed. 

Hazel sat in Emily’s lap the whole time, and Keely subtly held Emily’s hand, sandwiched between her and her biological mother, Samantha. 

It wasn’t until the grave side portion that Hazel even made a sound. 

Emily held Hazel, promoting her to place her flower on top of the casket. Hazel shook her head, hiding her face in Emily’s shoulder. 

Emily takes the flower and places it for her. 

“I want to go home.” Hazel says insistently, kicking her legs to be let down. 

“Shhh,” Emily shushes her softly, putting her on the ground and leading her to the chairs placed by the grave site where they would sit and watch the casket be lowered. 

“You said I can leave if I want!” Hazel says louder, causing a few people to turn their heads. 

“You can, you can!” Emily assures her. She glances back a few rows and makes eye contact with Tara, and Tara simply nods before standing up and approaching them. 

“Hey, my girl.” Tara says. 

“I want to go home.” Hazel says again, reaching out for Tara, who picks her up easily. 

“Okay, I’ll take you home. We can hang out til your mama and Keely come back. Okay?” Tara says. 

Hazel nods, resting her head on Tara’s shoulder. 

Emily watches, wondering now if she made the wrong choice, having Hazel come here at all. She spends the rest of the service feeling guilty, blaming herself prematurely for any distress this may have put on Hazel. She spends much of her days now constantly on guard, being a rock for her girls and making sure she’s there for them as much as she can be. She can always cry later, grieve later, process later. Later, later, later; whenever that may be.


	4. Chapter 4

By Monday, Emily has tried to return life back to normal as much as possible. Keely had gone back to school the day before, which had sent Hazel into a meltdown. It took an hour of coaxing to pry Hazel off of Keely’s leg, and she cried for a long time after she left. Emily had to bribe the girl with a special dinner and the promise of sleeping in Emily’s room again to finally get her to calm down. 

Monday morning is difficult for the both of them. Hazel had always loved school, and had marched into her first day of kindergarten without so much as looking back at her parents. Today, though, everything was a fight. 

First, Hazel didn’t like her hair, so Emily had to quickly redo it. She braided Hazel’s hair into two French braids like Hazel wanted. Then, the exact pair of leggings that Hazel wanted to wear were dirty, so they had to spend almost twenty minutes finding a different pair that would satisfy her. 

Hazel didn’t want to brush her teeth, she didn’t want to eat breakfast, she didn’t want to wear shoes. It was as if she was a stubborn toddler again. Emily remains patient, knowing that’s what Hazel needs in the moment. They’re late, but Emily gets Hazel off to school in one piece. 

Emily has decided to formally retire. She put in her notice last week and was headed in to the office to pack up her things. Eventually, she might teach like she planned, but for now she needed to focus her attention at home. 

She was met with cards and flowers on her desk from agents she knew well, and some that had known Andrew. She smiles softly, picking them up and looking through them. 

It’s funny, grief. How it picks and chooses its moments to creep up and crash into you like a wave. How one minute, you can think you’re okay, and the next your heart is beating out of your chest and your vision is blurred with tears. 

She’s been holding it together extremely well, for the sake of Hazel. She doesn’t want Hazel to worry about her, to see her upset. She feels it will only upset her more, so she staves the tears until she’s certain Hazel is asleep, or when she’s showering. 

It’s not something she’s proud of, having this uncanny ability to shove back her emotions the way she does, but it’s her coping mechanism. It always has been. She grew up hearing “Prentiss women don’t cry,” and “save the tears for your pillow, Emily.” And though the ambassador hasn’t had much of a say in Emily’s life in decades now, her words still echo like a mantra in the back of Emily’s mind. 

But something about seeing all the messages and support from her cohorts really gets to her, and she has to close and lock her office door for a moment. It’s there, alone in her office, that she finally breaks. 

She cries for her girls who lost their father, she cries for herself, who lost her husband. She cries for his friends, his family, everyone who’s life he touched in some way. 

It’s just not fair, not fair at all. The way the universe picks and chooses who lives and who dies. How people like Andrew are taken so suddenly, and yet there are people that Emily helped put into prison that have done unspeakable things to other human beings that will live out their lives; albeit in prison, but alive nonetheless. 

In a moment of nothing but pure emotion, Emily shoves everything off her desk. Cards flutter to the floor, she hears the crash of a vase that held flowers and she doesn’t even flinch. It doesn’t matter, she’ll be out of here by lunch anyway. 

She takes a few breaths, calms herself down a little. Emily sinks down onto the floor in the middle of the mess she made, wiping the stray tears still streaming down her cheeks. 

When she’s finally done, she’s exhausted. As quickly as she can, she packs up her office and cleans her mess. She slips out of the building and back to her car, leaving almost no trace of herself back at the bureau. 

-_-_-_-_-

The next few weeks are rocky, leaving Emily physically and emotionally drained. Keely has been throwing herself into school, at least that’s what she tells Emily. She rarely hears from her and she hasn’t been back home since the funeral. 

Emily doesn’t want to pressure her, but she’s worried about her. She was extremely close with her father, and she hasn’t really said much since he died. 

Hazel has been acting out both at home and at school. Emily’s gotten two calls from Hazel’s teacher in the last few weeks about her behavior. She has a much shorter temper than usual, and the smallest things make her irrationally upset. 

She shoved one of her classmates on the playground, which prompted her to lose recess and stay inside for an entire week. 

At home, Hazel is extremely defiant during the day. She picks a fight with Emily over almost everything. But at night, she won’t sleep in her own bed. No matter how many times Emily tries, Hazel will only sleep with her. 

If Emily moves Hazel into her own room after she falls asleep, Hazel ends up back in Emily’s bed in the middle of the night anyway. 

Without work, she doesn’t have much else to do but worry and clean. The house is spotless, every inch has been scrubbed and scrubbed again. The cabinets have been organized more than once, and so have Emily’s bookshelves. 

The house is eerie without anyone else there; she realizes that she’s never actually been completely alone in the house since they moved in. Someone was always with her. 

She wants to move, the house holds so many good memories but she feels that she will not be able to properly heal in this space. But with Hazel acting the way she is, she doesn’t think moving is the smartest idea right now. 

Emily does what she does best when she’s stressed out: she isolates herself. She doesn’t see anyone, makes excuses for why they can’t come over. The rare exception is if someone takes Hazel for the day, like JJ or Penelope or Tara. 

Halloween comes, and Emily wants nothing more than to ignore it. Andrew loved Halloween, he always made it so much fun for Hazel. He decorated the house, he always did the best costume makeup, and he absolutely loved going trick or treating with her. Sometimes Emily felt like maybe he enjoyed it more than Hazel did. 

Emily had arranged for Hazel to go trick or treating with JJ and Matt, who were taking their kids out together. Emily was going to stay in and wallow. She had no desire to get dressed up and go out. 

Hazel seemed absolutely thrilled at the plan, she loved her cousins and had been talking about going with them all week long. 

That is, until about an hour before they were going to come pick Hazel up. 

“Come on, let’s start getting you ready for trick or treating!” Emily calls cheerfully to her daughter, who’s playing on the living room floor. 

Hazel ignores her. 

Emily gives it a few minutes before trying again. 

“Hazel, it’s time to start getting your costume on. They’ll be here in less than an hour.” Emily says, a bit more firmly this time. 

Still no response from the little girl. 

“Hazel, what have I told you about ignoring me? I need some kind of clarification that you are listening to me.” Emily says, growing exasperated. 

“I don’t want to go.” Hazel says simply. 

“What? Of course you do, you’ve been excited all week! Don’t you want to get on your cool costume and get lots of candy?” Emily coaxes. 

“No. My costume is stupid.” Hazel says. 

This year, she’d chosen Rey from Star Wars, after having watched the movies with Henry last year she had been absolutely obsessed. 

“You like Star Wars.” Emily says. 

“It’s stupid. Halloween is stupid. I’m not going.” Hazel says. 

Emily sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose. 

“Hazel, we aren’t doing this. As soon as I call and tell them you don’t want to go, you’re going to change your mind again. Go upstairs, I’ll help you get ready.” Emily says, leaving no room for argument in her tone. 

Hazel puts her hands on her hips and glares at her mother. 

“I’m staying home!” Hazel yells. 

“Hazel Mendoza, you know not to yell at me.” Emily says through clenched teeth. 

“Halloween is stupid! You are stupid!” Hazel yells again. 

Emily, in a moment of weakness, snaps. “You do not ever talk to me like that. Go up to your room, if you even so much as breathe too loudly you will be grounded until Christmas. Do I make myself clear?” Emily says, not quite yelling but definitely close to it. She’s never taken such a hard tone with Hazel. She’s never been that kind of parent. 

Hazel’s eyes immediately begin to well with tears. “I —“ 

“No.” Emily cuts her off and points upstairs. “Your room. Right now.” 

Hazel sighs and stomps up to her room, knowing better than to slam the door shut. 

Emily sighs, running a hand through her hair. 

She texts JJ and lets her know that Hazel doesn’t want to go anymore, and then she waits awhile before she even attempts to go upstairs. 

When she does finally go up to check on Hazel, she finds that the girl has already put herself to bed and is sleeping in her own room. 

Emily watches her sleep for a few minutes, wishing she had been able to talk to her before she fell asleep. She can tell Hazel had been crying and Emily feels a pang of regret so deeply in her chest it takes her breath away. 

It’s not that she’s never had to get on to Hazel before, she most certainly has, but she’s never lost her cool the way she did a few hours ago. She’s charting new territory here, dealing with a grieving little girl while also trying to grieve herself. 

Eventually, Emily heads to her own room, where she lets herself break. 

She feels so guilty, so terrible. She had no problem shutting out everyone, but she never intended to shut out her own child. 

She cries softly to herself, keeping as quiet as she can. She needs to try and get better, she needs to talk to someone, anyone, to try and pull her out of this funk.


	5. Chapter 5

After Halloween, Emily found herself at a loss of how to parent her daughter. Where she had always been confident and consistent, she now felt like she was either coddling Hazel too much or too little. She was extremely inconsistent, some days giving in to everything Hazel wanted, and others doing the opposite. 

It all came to a head one evening a week before thanksgiving, when Emily was FaceTiming with Keely. She thought that Hazel was in her room, but the little girl had heard the two of them talking about moving. 

“I just can’t be here anymore.” Emily says, meaning the house itself, but to a five year old little girl, that could be taken in many ways. 

“Are you leaving me?!” Hazel asks, running into the kitchen where Emily had been sitting at the counter talking to Keely from her laptop. 

Emily’s brow furrows. She turns to face Hazel, who’s eyes are wide and glassy with tears. 

“What? No, honey. I’m not leaving you here alone. We would move together. To a new house.” Emily explains. 

“I don’t want a new house! I like this house!” Hazel says, bursting into tears. 

“I’ll call you back.” Emily says to Keely, ending the call and focusing her attention on Hazel. 

“I know you do. But won’t it be nice to have a new house? Just you and me, and Keely when she visits? You can decorate your room however you want.” Emily tries. She feels helpless, sitting there looking at her daughter crying. 

“Come here, it’s okay.” Emily says, reaching out to comfort Hazel, but she shakes her head and backs away. 

“We aren’t moving right away, it’s okay. You’ll have plenty of time to say goodbye to this house before we go to a new one.” Emily says. 

“No, Mommy! Daddy won’t be able to find us!” Hazel tells her, exasperated. 

“Honey...” Emily starts, not sure what to say. 

“We can’t go without him!” Hazel says between sobs. 

Emily sighs. She tries to pick Hazel up again, and this time Hazel reaches for her. Emily holds her close, gently swaying back and forth until Hazel starts to calm down a little. 

“Do you remember what we talked about? About how Daddy died?” Emily asked. 

“You said he can’t come home ‘cause his heart stopped.” Hazel says. 

“Right...” Emily coaxed gently. 

“When does his heart get fixed?” Hazel asks. 

Emily feels her heart break. 

“Oh, my love.” Emily says. “That’s not...something that can be fixed. Remember how we had a funeral? How we said goodbye?” 

Hazel nods. 

“That was us telling him goodbye, because he died. When somebody dies, they can’t come back to life.” Emily tries explaining. She feels lost, she’s not sure she’s making sense and she feels terrible that all this time, apparently Hazel was under the impression that Andrew was coming home. 

“Does everyone die?” Hazel asks, her voice breaking. 

“Yes.” Emily says honestly. 

“You’re going to die?” Hazel asks, Emily sees the panic in Hazel’s face. 

“Someday, but right here, right now, I am here with you. I will always do everything in my power to make sure I come home to you, okay?” Emily assures her. 

It’s not enough, Hazel cries and cries and says over and over again how she doesn’t want Emily to die, she doesn’t want to be left all alone. 

Emily can only comfort her daughter the best she can. She’s not sure what to do other than hold her close and calm her down. 

It takes almost a half hour before Hazel is finally calm enough to speak again. 

“I don’t want to go to school tomorrow.” Hazel says. 

Emily bites her lip. “Let’s see how you feel in the morning.” 

“I will feel the same.” Hazel says insistently. 

As it turns out, Hazel was correct. She stayed home from school, and Emily spent the day with her. Hazel was extremely clingy all day, never wanting Emily to be anywhere but right next to her. 

She feels that inadvertently, she has hindered Hazel’s grieving process. It’s a long, exhausting day. Not only has Hazel been clingy, but she’s been very whiney as well. 

By the time Hazel’s asleep in Emily’s bed, Emily herself feels like she could sleep for a week. 

She watches Hazel sleep, feeling terribly about her ability to parent. Her only desire had been to get the girls through this, and it seems like she’s failed. 

Hazel is still a mess. Emily herself is still trying to navigate her feelings. It’s hard, harder than Emily ever anticipated. 

She sighs, reaches for her phone and calls on Tara. She knows that Tara will be able to help her, give some insight on how to help the girls, and maybe even herself. 

As the phone rings, Emily quietly moves out of her room and down to the living room, so she won’t wake a sleeping Hazel. 

“Hey,” Tara answers, her voice warm and familiar. 

“Hi,” Emily says. “Is this uh... is this a bad time?” Emily asks. 

“Not at all. What’s up?” Tara wonders. 

Emily blows out a breath. 

“That bad, huh?” Tara continues. 

Emily curses her stupid tell, apparently everyone had known about it but her. 

“I ... I need some advice. And you’re a shrink.” Emily says bluntly. 

“Kind of... sure.” Tara chuckles. 

“What I mean is ... I need some tips on how to help Hazel. She was under the impression that Andrew was coming back... I don’t think she realized the permanence of death.” Emily says. 

“Ooh.” Tara says sympathetically. 

“It’s been a rough couple of days. Weeks, really.” Emily admits. “I...I don’t know what to do.” 

“Can I come over?” Tara asks. 

“Sure,” Emily nods. “I’ll leave the door unlocked. Hazel’s asleep, so just come on in.”

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Tara enters the house not long after the call ends, and Emily can’t help but smile as she greets her with a hug. She realizes it’s been too long since she’s had a conversation with an adult. 

Emily pours them each a drink and they sit together on the couch. 

“So,” Tara says, taking a sip, placing her glass on the coffee table, and sitting back on the couch. “What’s been going on?” 

Emily sighs. She tells Tara everything. She tells her how Hazel has been almost a completely different child, how Keely has been distant how Emily has been doing her absolute best to stay strong for them. 

“I just don’t know what to do.” Emily says sadly. 

“Well, first of all, what I’m going to say may sound a little harsh, but I want you to know it’s coming from a place of nothing but love. If you didn’t want to face the truth to help heal, then you shouldn’t have called your friend who’s a psychologist.” Tara tells her light heartedly. 

Emily nods. 

“I think you’re being too strong.” Tara says. 

Emily’s brow furrows. “What?” 

“Hazel is seeing you as Emily Prentiss, who never breaks, who never lets things get her down. She needs her Mommy right now. She needs to see you get upset, she needs to see you cry.” Tara says. 

“I...I just don’t want her to see me that way. I don’t want to upset her.” Emily admits. 

“She thinks that she isn’t allowed to be sad. She needs to see you be human, Emily.” Tara says. 

Emily looks at her friend, eyes glassy with tears. 

“Oh, my God.” Emily says. “I— I became my mother.” She lets the tears flow freely now. 

“Hey, no. No, Emily. Look at me.” Tara says. 

Emily looks at her. 

“You are not your mother. You are a wonderful mother. There is no way to get it right all of the time. You’ve been doing fine, you just gotta let those walls down in front of Hazel. Keely, too, for that matter. She may be feeling similarly.” Tara says. 

Emily sniffles. “I just — I’m so tired.” Emily admits. 

“I can imagine. You guys have suffered a trauma. It’s okay to not be a super woman all the time. No ones expecting that from you.” Tara tells her. 

“It’s just not fair.” Emily says, suddenly angry. She digs the tips of her fingers into the palm of her hand (her nails long bitten off). “I spent so long alone, and here came Andrew out of nowhere, swept me off my god damn feet. Made me feel like I really could have it all, you know? I never thought ... never expected ... I looked at people like JJ and just thought I wasn’t cut out to have a family and do the job. But then I did, and I love being a mother. I loved being a wife. We were going to be relatively normal! He was retiring. How fucked up is that, by the way? Dying on your way home from your very last case before retirement? What the fuck...” Emily says, her voice rising, filling with raw emotion. 

“Good, Emily. Let it out.” Tara coaxes. 

Emily throws a pillow from the couch across the room. “It should have been me.” Emily says. 

“No, it shouldn’t have.” Tara says. “It shouldn’t have been either of you. I wish I had more comforting words, but I don’t. You’re right. It’s fucked.” Tara agrees. 

Emily sighs, throwing herself back against the back of the couch. 

“Feel better?” Tara asks. 

“A little, yeah.” Emily agrees. 

“Good.” Tara replies. 

“Thank you.” Emily says sincerely. 

“Any time. I mean it.” Tara tells her. 

Emily nods. She smiles softly at Tara, not missing the way Tara smiles back. 

There’s a long moment of silence before a little voice breaks it. 

“Mommy?” Hazel calls from the top of the stairs, rubbing her eyes sleepily. 

“I’m down here, baby.” Emily says back. 

“I woke up to go pee and you were gone.” Hazel says. 

“I’m sorry, let’s go back to bed, okay?” Emily says. 

“Is that auntie Tara?” Hazel asks. 

“Yes, wanna come say hi before we go to bed?” Emily asks. 

Hazel nods, coming down the stairs and hugging Tara. She yawns sleepily and Emily laughs softly to herself. Tara says goodbye, and Emily guides Hazel back upstairs to Emily’s room, where they get into bed. Hazel falls back to sleep quickly, thankfully. 

Emily mulls over her conversation with Tara. She’s right, Emily needs to allow herself to be more vulnerable around the girls. The last thing she wants is for them to grow up feeling like they can’t show emotion. 

She drifts off to sleep, her heart feeling lighter than it had in weeks.


	6. Chapter 6

Thanksgiving comes in the blink of an eye. Emily is grateful for the few days off school for Hazel. It was a struggle every single morning to get her up and ready. They were running late often, and Emily was worried that she was going to get a call from the administration office any day now. 

But the school had been wonderful, really. As soon as Emily had told them about Andrew, they had provided Emily with resources for Hazel. Hazel’s class had made her a card showing support. But Emily knew the leniency with her attendance and her behavior wouldn’t last forever. After all, she’s already gotten a couple of calls home in the last several weeks, and she knows they’re being understanding but that it can’t last forever. 

The school had tried to set Hazel up with the guidance counselor, but Hazel wouldn’t talk with her. She wouldn’t talk with anyone, really. She was still extra clingy, or extra defiant depending on the day, leaving Emily constantly guessing on the best way to handle her. 

Emily had tried to take Tara’s advice, by being more vulnerable with her feelings around the girls, but she was having trouble allowing herself to break. She was worried that once she started crying, she wouldn’t be able to stop, and she didn’t want that. She wanted to be able to talk to them, especially Hazel. 

So not much progress had been made, and both she and Hazel were growing more exhausted each day. So much so, that she’d managed to get them out of the team’s annual thanksgiving dinner. 

Instead, the three of them stayed home. They watched movies, ordered in, and spent the day in their pajamas. It was different, usually they’d all gather at Rossi’s when they were all able. Rossi always cooked the turkey, and never allowed anyone to help him. As for sides, he made sure to delegate them based on everyone’s strengths. Emily thinks that’s why until she met Andrew, her only requirement had been to bring ice. 

She missed the team, and she knew Hazel did too, but both she and Keely had jumped at the opportunity to stay home. 

As _Home Alone_ (a family tradition on thanksgiving), played on the TV, Emily sat sandwiched between her daughters. She could tell neither of them were super into the movie, no doubt thinking about Andrew. He loved the holidays, he always made them extra special. 

Emily sits up straighter, pauses the movie. The girls turn to look at her. 

“Hey, let’s talk, hmm?” Emily says. 

Keely shrugs, Hazel nods. Emily takes a deep breath. She’s not really sure where to start. 

“I know I haven’t been very forthcoming with my emotions, and I just wanted to say sorry for that. I like to hide them and pretend that I’m okay, especially when it comes to the two of you. I’m not sure why I do that, really. But I think my lack of showing how I really feel has been hard on you guys.” Emily says. 

Hazel looks a little confused, but Keely definitely catches on to what Emily’s saying. 

“I miss your Daddy so much, so much that...that it hurts. Sometimes it feels like I can’t breathe.”  
Emily says. 

“Me, too.” Keely says softly. Emily puts a comforting hand on Keely’s back. 

“But you know, that’s normal. That’s okay.” Emily says softly. “When somebody you love dies, it’s really sad. But you might also feel angry. That’s okay, too. And sometimes, you might start to be happy again, and that’s okay. It’ll take time, and you’ll always miss them, but eventually, you won’t be so sad.” Emily says. “Does that make sense?” 

Keely nods. 

“Do you wanna talk about anything, Hazel?” Emily asks. The five year old is uncharacteristically quiet. 

“No.” Hazel says. “Can we watch the movie?” 

Emily frowns. “In a minute. Did what I said about Daddy make sense, sweetie?” 

“Yes!” Hazel says with a huff, rolling her eyes and reaching in front of her to grab the remote off the coffee table and press play. 

“Hazel...” Emily starts. 

“I want to watch the movie!” Hazel says again. 

“Okay.” Emily backs off, knowing that trying to force anything is not going to help the situation, if anything it will only cause Hazel to internalize her feelings more. She really is Emily’s daughter. 

Keely squeezes Emily’s hand comfortingly, and Emily squeezes back. 

By the end of the movie, Hazel is asleep on the couch with her feet in Emily’s lap. Keely is still awake, resting her head on Emily’s shoulder. 

“I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.” Emily admits softly, glancing over to Hazel. 

Keely sits up, looking Emily in the eye. 

“You’re not doing anything wrong.” Keely assures her. “I don’t think there’s one correct way to deal with ... this.” Keely gestures vaguely. 

Emily sighs. “I know. I just...I want to be strong for you both, I don’t want you worrying about me. You’re worried about enough already.” 

Keely smiles softly. “I appreciate that, but of course we’re going to worry about you. I worry about you all the time. I can’t imagine how you’re feeling, losing him and having to guide a kid through it. I, at least, have been able to focus on school and my friends and feel ... okay most days.” Keely says. 

“It’s ... hard.” Emily admits. “I... I don’t think I’m doing a very good job right now.” 

“You’re trying, and I think that’s enough for now. This is the first trauma she’s ever experienced, and that’s because you’ve done a fantastic job protecting her thus far. She’s only ever known love, she’s never had to process grief.” Keely says. 

Emily smiles, wrapping an arm around her daughter and kissing her temple. “I love you, kiddo.” Emily tells her. 

“I love you, too.” Keely replies. 

“Thank you.” Emily tells her. “Really, I’m supposed to be giving you advice and here you are advising me.”’

“You don’t have to be strong all the time, Em. It’s okay to need help.” Keely says. 

Emily bites her lip, hearing Tara’s similar advice in the back of her mind. 

“It’s just a hard habit to break. But I’m trying.” Emily’s voice is quiet, unsure. 

“I know.” Keely moves to stand. “I’m gonna go upstairs and take a nap, I think. Let me know if you need anything.” 

Emily nods, and Keely goes up to her room. 

Hazel is still sleeping, so Emily gets up quietly and considers napping herself, but feels much too restless. Instead, she heads into her bedroom and decides to reorganize her closet. 

It doesn’t really need it, but she needs to do something with her hands, something productive. 

As she’s mulling over whether or not to keep the pairs of heels that make her feet hurt, or finally give them away, she knocks a box over that had been shoved toward the back of the closet. 

The contents come spilling out. 

“Fuck,” Emily whispers, crouching down to pick up the mess. She picks up a photo, and freezes. She feels her knees give out, she has to drop all the way on to the floor of her closet. 

It’s a photo Emily had snapped of Andrew a few weeks after Hazel had come home from the hospital. He was lying on the couch, Hazel asleep on his chest. 

She traces her finger over the photo, smiling through tears. He loved being a dad. He had been so wonderful while Emily was stuck in bed those last few months of her pregnancy. He cooked every meal, kept the house together, worked... she had no idea where he found the energy. 

And then, when Hazel was finally born, she swears she’d never seen him so happy. She thinks that maybe he hadn’t stopped smiling for the last five years. One of her favorite things had been watching him interact with their baby as she grew. 

He’d do anything to make her giggle, he would clap and cheer her on when she’d started walking, when she started talking. As she got older, and learned how to read and write, he was so proud. His office was covered in things she’d drawn and written for him. She and Andrew spent weekends building blanket forts and hosting tea parties; playing dress up and make believe. 

No matter what, she and Andrew were always there by her side. 

He was going to miss everything. He would miss watching Hazel grow, he would miss seeing the wonderful person she knew Keely would become. Holidays, birthdays, graduations, weddings, heartbreaks... all of it. 

Without even realizing it, she’s begun to cry. Not the typical, silent cry she’s able to stop quickly. But a genuine cry that wracks her whole body. She can hardly breathe. She doesn’t want to feel it, but she knows she has to. 

She doesn’t notice Hazel come into the room, doesn’t see her standing behind her looking a little panicked. 

“M-Mommy?” Hazel says, her little voice breaking. 

Emily whips around, still sitting on the floor of her closet. She immediately begins wiping tears away from her face, trying to stop crying. But she stops. There’s no point, now. 

Emily holds out her arms, motioning for Hazel to come closer. “It’s okay, Hazel. I’m okay.” Emily promises. 

Nervously, Hazel approaches her mother. Emily gently pulls the little girl into her lap. 

“Why are you crying?” Hazel asks. 

Emily sniffles. “I just really miss your dad.” 

Hazel nods solemnly. She glances down and sees the photo Emily had been looking at. She picks it up and stares at it. 

“That’s you,” Emily says, pointing to the tiny baby on Andrew’s chest. “You were maybe two months old here.” 

Hazel says nothing, just stares at the picture for awhile. “I was little.” She says finally. 

“Yes, you were.” Emily says. “I expected you to be bigger, for how big you made my tummy get.” 

Emily reaches over to the box of photos, finds one of her about a week or two before Hazel was born. 

“Woah,” Hazel whispers. 

“I know... I couldn’t hardly go up and down the stairs.” Emily says. “Felt like a turtle stuck on their back most of the time.” 

Hazel laughs softly. “Is there more pictures in here?” She asks, grabbing the box. 

“Yes, there are. We can go through them. I’ve always meant to either frame some or put them in some kind of album, I’ve just never gotten around to it.” Emily says. 

Though most of these pictures were on her phone, she’d once been very diligent about having them printed off. A tangible memory, so to speak. 

They look through the box, finding all kinds of photos of pregnant Emily and baby Hazel. There’s a bunch of Keely, too. 

Each memory is happy, but each picture leaves a pang of sadness in Emily’s chest. 

Hazel picks up a picture of her and Andrew, taken just last year at her fifth birthday party. 

She’d wanted a combination of princesses and superheroes, so that’s what she got. The best part has been Andrew’s outfit for the occasion. He surprised Hazel by wearing a Spider-Man costume, but spicing it up with a pink tutu and a gaudy plastic tiara atop his head. 

Hazel laughed at the picture of him making a silly face in that costume, and then her chin started to quiver and before Emily knew what was happening, Hazel was crying. 

“Oh, honey. I know.” Emily says. She scoops Hazel up awkwardly, somehow staying balanced as she gets them both up from the floor. She carries Hazel to her bed and sits down. The little girl buries her face in Emily’s chest and cries. 

It breaks Emily’s heart, hearing such big sobs come from her baby. 

She doesn’t say anything. There’s nothing to say. All she can do is hold Hazel and let her get it out. 

Eventually, her sobs turn into intermittent hiccups. 

“I miss him.” Hazel says between shaky breaths, resting her head on Emily’s shoulder. 

“I do, too. It’s okay to miss him, it’s okay to cry.” Emily reminds her. 

“You can cry too.” Hazel says. 

“I’m sorry if I made you feel like it wasn’t okay to be sad.” Emily tells her. “I feel like I haven’t been a very good Mommy lately.” Emily continues. 

Hazel sits up, wiping the last few stray tears out of her eyes. “You are a good mommy.” Hazel says. 

Emily tears up a little. 

“You could be better...if maybe we can stay up late and have ice cream for dinner?” Hazel asks. 

Emily bursts into laughter. “We can stay up late, but we have to save the ice cream for after dinner. Does that sound fair?” 

Hazel sighs. “Yes. I oppose.” 

“You _suppose_ , huh?” Emily asks laughing. She picks Hazel up and takes her downstairs. As she prepares dinner, she knows everything will be okay.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a little Christmas in ... February?

Christmas was quite an affair, Emily had been stressing since before Thanksgiving over it. 

Andrew _loved_ Christmas. He always had. The first year they’d been together, and he learned that Emily didn’t really decorate her apartment, he actually looked _offended_ that she didn’t do anything special. He came over with extra decorations from home and “spruced up” her apartment, making it feel warm and cozy and comfortable. 

Since then, Emily had grown to love this time of year. Andrew was like a little kid, wanting to decorate as early as possible. He loved surprises, and always gave the best gifts. 

The house was always neatly decorated, and always smelled of cinnamon and pine needles. 

Emily tried so hard to recreate that magic that Andrew always brought. She had done a damn good job. She enlisted Alvez’s help to put the lights up on the house, because there was absolutely no way she was climbing up on the roof. 

The lights illuminated the house beautifully at night. Emily had always drawn the line at those blow up lawn decorations, she thought they were so tacky. Luckily, Andrew had agreed. Aside from the lights, Emily had put out a beautiful wreath on the front door and a festive welcome mat. 

The house looked great, almost identical to what Andrew had always done. Emily made sure that she kept yearly traditions for Hazel. They watched movies, went Christmas shopping, looked at holiday lights, and made a gingerbread house all in the couple weeks leading up to Christmas. 

Emily had been worried it would be hard on Hazel, but so far she had been as excited as always. It was just the two of them for Christmas Eve, since Keely was with them on thanksgiving she was spending Christmas with her mom. 

On Christmas Day, they’d gather together with the team like always. This year, Penelope was just dying to host, so they were all planning to meet there and have dinner. 

So tonight, it would just be her and Hazel. The only thing Hazel had been talking about for the last 72 hours was Santa. 

Emily embraced it, knowing Hazel wouldn’t always believe in Santa. But it was becoming an obsession. 

“Mama, is it bedtime now?” Hazel asks. 

“No, we just had lunch.” Emily says. 

Hazel sighs dramatically. “But I want Santa to come.” 

“He is coming, but not right now.” Emily reminds her. 

They spend the remainder of the day watching movies, and after dinner Hazel hosts a tea party for her stuffed animals. Emily takes the opportunity to clean the kitchen and fold laundry. 

Just after 8, Emily heads upstairs to get Hazel ready for bed. She finds the girl already in her Christmas pajamas. 

Emily chuckles softly. “Come here, you’re all twisted.” She says, fixing the crooked pants and shirt. 

“Bedtime?” Hazel asks. 

“Yes, bedtime.” Emily confirms. 

“Can we see where Santa is?” Hazel asks, referring to the NORAD tracker that shows Santa’s route each Christmas Eve. 

Emily pulls it up on her phone. 

“Looks like he’s headed this way!” Emily says. “He’ll be here before you know it.” 

“We have to give him cookies and milk.” Hazel says. 

Emilys smile fades. Fuck. She forgot the cookies. 

“Honey...” Emily says, not sure what to say. “I think when I got groceries I forgot to get cookies.” 

Hazel stares at her, eyebrows raised, looking exactly like her mother. 

“This is not time for jokes, Mommy.” Hazel says seriously. 

“I’m not joking, baby. I really did forget.” Emily says, wincing. She feels horrible. 

She thinks maybe Hazel will be okay, but her little face scrunches up and she starts to cry. 

“We have to give him cookies!” Hazel says through tears. 

Emily sighs. She picks Hazel up and tries to comfort her. “Maybe we can give him something else? We have crackers...” she tries. 

“He always gets cookies and milk. He’s gonna be sad. He needs the energy to get all around the world in one night! Daddy always gave him cookies!” Hazel says, crying harder. 

Emily bites her lip, she feels so terribly. She sits Hazel down on the couch. 

“It’s okay, we’ll fix it.” She says. She grabs her phone out of her pocket and calls the first person that comes to mind. 

“Hey,” Tara answers. 

“Hey, sorry to bother you on Christmas Eve —“ 

“Oh, please.” Tara says. “I’m just at Luke and Penelope’s.” 

Emily smiles. They’ve become quite an inseparable trio. “So you’re not busy?” 

“Not at all. What’s going on?” Tara asks. 

“I fucked up.” Emily says quietly. 

“Is that Hazel?” Tara asks, no doubt hearing the absolute meltdown that Hazel was currently having. 

Emily blows out a breath. “Yes. I forgot cookies. For Santa.” 

Tara laughs heartily. “Oh...” she says after a moment. “Oh, you’re serious.” 

“Yes I’m serious!” Emily said, punching the bridge of her nose, feeling a headache coming on. 

“Want me to swing by with some?” Tara asks. 

“Can you?” Emily asks hopefully. 

“Of course, give me a half hour.” Tara promises. 

“You’re a lifesaver.” Emily stresses. “I owe you one.” 

“Oh, tsk.” Tara says. “You don’t owe me a thing. Be there in 30.” 

Emily hangs up and goes back over to the couch, where Hazel is still crying. 

“It’s okay, Auntie Tara is bringing some cookies by.” Emily says, sitting next to the little girl. 

“Will she be here before Santa?” Hazel asks. 

“Absolutely. Don’t worry, okay?” Emily says, wiping Hazel’s tears away with her thumbs. 

Hazel is still crying a little, but calming down. 

“I’m sorry I forgot to get cookies.” Emily says. 

Hazel crawls into Emily’s lap. “I wish Daddy was here.” 

“Me, too. He loved Christmas, didn’t he?” Emily says. 

Hazel nods. 

Emily comforts her daughter the best she can, til there’s a knock at the door. 

“I’ll bet that’s auntie Tara!” Emily says, gently pushing Hazel off her lap. They go to the door and look through the peephole, as expected Tara is standing there with a grocery bag in hand. 

Emily opens the door, but before she can greet Tara, Hazel rushes to hug Tara’s legs. 

Tara awkwardly walks inside with Hazel wrapped around her. Emily takes the grocery bag and Tara picks Hazel up and kisses her niece’s cheek. 

“Merry Christmas, love bug!” Tara says, smiling so wide her nose starts to scrunch. 

“Thank you for bringing cookies!” Hazel says excitedly. 

“Of course, gotta make sure Santa keeps his energy up, huh?” Tara says with a wink, putting Hazel back down on the ground. 

“Daddy said that too!” Hazel says, gasping. 

“Your Daddy was very smart.” Tara says. 

The three of them set up a plate of cookies and a glass of milk. Hazel smiles at their handiwork. 

“Okay, now I gotta go to bed.” Hazel says seriously. “He’s getting closer.” 

Emily kisses the top of Hazel’s head. “Okay, go on upstairs and I’ll come tuck you in.” 

“Can you tuck me in?” Hazel asks, looking up at Tara with big, doe eyes that make her look just like her mother. 

“I would be honored. You’re all ready for bed?” Tara asks. 

“Yes!” Hazel says. 

Tara leads the girl upstairs, and Hazel hands Tara a copy of _The Polar Express_ to read. 

Before Tara’s even halfway done, Hazel is sleeping peacefully. She’s in her own bed, which she’s been sleeping in a little more often, but Emily expects in a few hours Hazel will slide into bed with her. 

Emily waits for Tara down in the living room. 

“Thank you so much,” Emily stresses. 

“Are you kidding? That was nothing.” Tara says with a smile. 

“I can’t believe I made her cry on Christmas Eve.” Emily says sadly. “Andrew was so much better at this stuff.” 

“Hey,” Tara says, sitting down next to Emily. “Don’t beat yourself up, you did great. And sure, she was upset, but you fixed it. Now she’s sound asleep, and she’s gonna wake up to more presents than any little girl could ever ask for.” 

Emily groans. “I haven’t even started wrapping.” 

Tara opens her mouth in surprise. “You’re gonna be in for a long night...” 

“Tell me about it.” Emily says, suppressing a yawn. 

“I could help...if you need a hand.” Tara offers. 

Emily glances over. “You don’t have to do that.” 

Tara rolls her eyes playfully. “I know I don’t. But I want to. Maybe you’ll be able to squeeze in a couple hours of sleep before she wakes up.” 

Emily chews on a fingernail. “Well, I do want to wrap them quick. She’s been waking up around 3am to get into bed with me most nights.” 

Tara nods. “Pretty normal, considering.” 

“I shouldn’t be trying to get her back in her own bed?” Emily asks. 

“I think you need it just as much as she does right now.” Tara says. 

Emily smiles softly. 

Emily pulls out the mountain of presents, and together they quietly wrap them all up and place them perfectly under the tree. 

“Damn,” Tara says, stepping back and looking at their handiwork. “She must have been really good this year.” 

Emily laughs. “I know ... I went overboard.” 

Tara shrugs. “Nothing wrong with that.” 

It’s late, but not too terribly so, when Tara finally leaves. They’ll see each other at Luke and Penelope’s tomorrow. Emily had almost asked her to just stay over, but something stopped her. 

She’s not sure what, but in true Emily Prentiss fashion, she logs that away to deal with in the future. 

She heads up to bed, checking in on Hazel who miraculously is still in her own bed. 

She practically falls into bed, and wakes a few hours later to something, or rather, someone, jumping on her bed and colliding with her abdomen. 

“Good morning Mommy!!” Hazel says excitedly, pressing her face as close to Emily’s as she can. 

“Hi, honey.” Emily says sleepily. She rolls over, seeing that it’s 4:40 in the morning. “It’s really early.” She says. It had only been about 2 hours since she had gone to bed. 

“Christmas is supposed to be early.” Hazel says. “Please? I’m so excited!” She sticks her bottom lip out, pleading; she knows there’s no way in hell Emily can possibly say no. 

Emily sighs, but smiles. She pulls Hazel close to her and tickles her mercilessly. Hazel laughs loud and long, in a way Emily hasn’t heard in so long. 

“Stop, stop!” Hazel says in between giggles. 

Emily stops and peppers Hazel’s cheeks with kisses. 

In no time at all, the living room becomes a tornado of wrapping paper. Emily has no idea how Hazel manages to throw it everywhere the way she does. 

Watching Hazel open up all her presents, a huge smile plastered on her face as her eyes widen with each present makes everything worth it to Emily. 

Once Hazel is finished, she finally has a cup of coffee and sends some pictures and videos she’d taken that morning to the group chat she has with the girls. 

JJ sends some of her kids, Penelope and Tara gush accordingly (hours later, of course). 

The team gathers later at Penelope and Luke’s. They had both made a wonderful dinner, surprisingly even Rossi had nothing but nice things to say. 

In true Fairy God Mother fashion, Penelope spoils all the BAU babies with Christmas gifts. 

While the kids watch a movie in the guest bedroom, the adults play a few rounds of Cards Against Humanity. 

All in all, it’s a wonderful holiday. Spent just the way it should be: with your family. 

It’s nearly 9pm when Tara sits down next to Emily on the couch, sipping a glass of wine. 

“You look exhausted.” She says simply. 

“Thanks,” Emily says flatly. “You flatter me.” 

Tara laughs softly. “I didn’t mean it like that, smart ass.” 

Emily gently shoves Tara’s shoulder. “Hazel woke me up at 4:45.” 

“Jeez,” Tara says. “How is she still going?” She asks, looking over to where the kids who are still awake are playing a round of Twister. 

“I think Penelope spiked the fruit punch. With PCP.” Emily jokes. 

Tara laughs. “Probably.” 

“I should get her home.” Emily says, glancing at her watch, but making no move to get up. 

“Seems like she had a great Christmas.” Tara comments. 

Emily smiles. “Yeah, I think so. I’m glad. She won’t enjoy Christmas as much for much longer.” 

“She’s definitely growing up.” Tara agrees. 

“I hate it. I miss my tiny little baby.” Emily sighs. “I mean, I don’t hate it. Obviously. I just feel like yesterday she was this itty bitty little thing that needed me for everything. You know?” Emily says. The exhaustion is setting in, she’s borderline delirious. It makes Tara laugh. 

“She’s still got a few more years of finding the magic in Christmas. Don’t worry.” Tara assures her, gently squeezing her shoulder. 

Emily smiles, and finally moves to collect all her things, and her daughter. 

Hazel puts up a little argument, but it’s quelled when Penelope promises to walk outside with her. 

Before Emily gets home, Hazel is completely knocked out. She doesn’t wake when Emily carries her inside and lays her down in her own bed, takes off her shoes, and pulls the covers all the way up just the way Hazel likes them. 

She kisses Hazel’s forehead and gets herself ready for bed, despite it being barely 10pm. 

She falls asleep easily, and isn’t woken in the middle of the night by Hazel getting into bed with her.


End file.
